Ok, leave it.  LEAVE IT!  I’ve been gone for awhile, but Black is Back motherfathers.  I know  you missed me, as you should have.  I know you missed Letitia (who hasn’t).  Well all your favourites are on the way.

Wait and check back…a whole new Black is on the way….

YO YO YO CHICKENS!

Ha, ha! Just kidding. I was watching MTV Base today while I was eating a haggis with some lite mayo and really got into the lingo. I love lingo. It rhymes with Bingo. Ha, ha. I am a regular Doc Seuss today!

So I apologize for not being in touch my little jacket potatoes, but Lil’ Titi (see, MTV Base is so educational) has been on the move. Not exercising as much as I had hoped, but I have literally been swept off of my feet with appearances. I had a recent receipt signing at Sainsburys, a ribbon cutting at a Lidel in Barnsbury, turning on the lights in the basement of Poundstretcher (various locations…check em out! I always find some terrific cardboard tampons. Totally flushable!), as well as numerous stage appearances. You know all the Broadway hits: “Lease”, “The Associate Producers”, “How to Succeed in Prostitution Without Really Trying”, “The Hampster King”, and “We Will Sock You” which is all about the fantastical nature of…socks! God love em! Hee Hee.

So what am I listening to at the moment? Well I am loving the Justine Tomberstake song “4 Minutes to Save the World” with that old hooker Rashonda or whatever. It really is great when I am making my health shake (see next week’s “OK” for the full receipe in my article with my dear dear dear dear friend Sophie Monk). The shake is absolutely delish! And good for digestion! It has a little Bisto, Crisco, Chicken Livers and lots of healthy mayo. It just flows directly to your bowels. But I won’t go their girlfriend! HA! I’m crazy!

So I have to go. Please watch out for me in various magazines and at my next appearance at FOPP in London where I will be checking out customers in aid of blind hookers in Hackney. I feel soo soo bad for these poor dears my darling little red peppers. So come on down!

Big wet sloppy kisses,

Lil Titi xxxxxx

Hi Danity Kane!

Again, I am so pleased that you won Making the Band and know Puff Daddy personally.  That is totally rad!  I bet you have all felt his penis.  Is it long?  Just curious, he is so hard to shop for.

I bought your new album and love it.  A total masterpiece of hooker pop.  I love it!  Striptease!  Wow, you guys are pretty randy…clothes fallin down to da floor.  I love how you use DA instead of THE.  Shakespearean! And I love how you repeat the title to”BadGirl” so many times that I am convinced that you actually ARE bad girls!  Wow!  Convincing!

“2 of u”!  Menage a a lot!  I just love you guys.  Just one question:  on the cover of your album is the girl laying on the floor because she was trying to climb the curtain and all she ended up pulling the curtain itself and all of the hardware with her as she fell onto the floor?  I am just so curious.  Is she hurt?  Is she a robot?  I need to know babies!

Anyway, love the album (even the questionable slow songs..I would suggest just shoving your vag into peoples faces when you are singing them to draw attention away from the ropey vocals…just a suggestion).  I love you video.  Did it cost 50 cents?  I used to like 50 Cent before he turned gay.

Gottsa go!  Haha.  Love you guys!

Black x

Ok, what the fuck Lil Mama.  What the fuck?!  I kind of like you but don’t know yet if I am sure I can marry you.  I need a proper proposal bitch, don’t keep me waiting.

Anyways, what the fuck kind of secret does this bitch have that she is telling us to SHHH for?  You know what, I hate this fucking pose and it drives me totally and utterly insane everytime I see it.  I blame the bloody goddamn Spicegirls (or the Salty Maids as they are known now).  Bunton!  Damnitt Bunton!

And the coloured contact lenses!  Don’t get me started…don’t even get me started!

JESUS!  ARG!

This chickens, this.  Watch her video anyway.

Or as I like to call it “The Hooker and The Mexican”

Or as I like to call it “The Hooker”

This is the new pop sensation Duffy.

This is the 90′s MTV VJ Duff:

This is the alcoholic beverage favoured by cartoons:

Discuss.

What the fuck is up with the faces of teenagers nowadays.  Everyone looks like the Bride of Wildenstein.  Look at poor ole Lil Simpy above.  Look at that nose, look at that fake ass chin.  Jesus…stop people!

Now I must go and get some lipo on my ballsack.